


WHERES DER JAZZLABELLER

by Darfur_Maxx



Category: Original Work, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: DeviantArt inspired, Gen, Humor, Literature, SPAM, YouTube Poop inspired, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 19:59:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13348440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darfur_Maxx/pseuds/Darfur_Maxx
Summary: This has SOMETHING to do with the iconic YouTube bait jumpscare simulator about a brain damaged child and the pedophile cheese pizza monsters that love him, a little too much. If you squint really, really hard. Maybe.





	WHERES DER JAZZLABELLER

**WHERES DER JAZZLABELLER BY NOTJAZZLEBELLERAKACHEWY2007** (I am bored )

ONE DAY JAZZABELLA WENT MISSING, HAZEL WAS DEEPLY DISTURBED BY SAID MISSINGNESS OF JAZZABELLA.

"Oi my one true love, where art thou?" She typed on deviantART. Then suddenly, some fat bearded elf man wearing a vomit-inducing yellow robe appears.

"This sadness is what all true emus strive for??" He announced.

"WHERE IS DER JAZZLABELLER!!?!?!?" Hazel politely asked, unfazed by the trespassing of the elf man. "SHE DOES NOT GO TO THE MSN ANYMORE I WANT MY JAZZLABELLERRR GET ON MSN MY JAZZAlBELLE-"

"ENOUGH." Interrupted the elf man. Hazel was then overcome by the emu-tional sadness that was tearing her heart apart. She sulked off into the toilet.

"The Jazzlebeller I can't find thee." She wept, huddled on a conspicuous brown log. "The one thing that can overcome my loneliness without you is the stench of England."

She cried there in her toilet for about one minute until the stench of colonial England turdage made her barf out a flood of GRRLPOWAH vomit, quickly turning the state/country/planet/wherever she lives into an industrial corn swamp. Everyone that lived there either drowned or became ethnically mehecin, except for the elf man. He just wanted to eat her dinner, and has seized the fridge for the glory of his crappy kingdom that exists only in a crappy game.

And yet he was still a good person, for you see, the elf man is actually a king, not an emperor. Emperors hate everyone and get murdered by righteous baby-eating rebels, while kings seize lands from innocent brown people, but that's okay, the dark lord likes to save those kinds of folk, and anything the dark lord does is VERY BAD and EVILLLL.

The king's first order to what's left of the newly not-white people was to fetch his freelance super-psychopath, Link. But these brown folk weren't going to take orders from some jerk that stole a fridge, so they hunted him down and tied him to some train tracks.

"What are you doing!? I'll have you all scrub the floors in Hyrule!!" He screamed his pathetic last words to his unloyal subjects, before a trolley ran him over and made him explode into DINNER FOR EVERYONE! They all feasted on Hazel's twice stolen dinner, stolen by the late king, and then stolen from the king's stomach by the people of (your town here).

Incidentally, Jazzabella was also inside of the king's stomach, since she was living in Hazel's fridge all along! Hazel suddenly decided to exist again in this terrible story and was overjoyed by her return!

Hazel ran and hugged her female brofriend. "OHMYGODJESUSYOUREBACK!!!"

"HAY DER BRAHBUDDI LETS GO DRIVIN!!" Replied Jazzabella. They squeed on well into the night, riding toy bicycles and stealing from newly renovated taco farms before having epileptic fits when the sun eventually rose (they're half vampires) and going back to the dark confines of the Internet FOREVER.

**THE END**  



End file.
